September 2009
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Tracy: I shouldn't expect a white woman from Whiteville to understand street cred.
Liz: First of all, I'm not from Whiteville, I'm from White Haven, and it's not as nice as it sounds.
August 2009
16 posts
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Jack: Lemon, today is the first day of the rest of your life, and what is the first thing that you need to do?
Liz: I have to break up with Dennis.
Jack: And why is that?
Liz: Because he wears shirts with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them. Because he cuts his own hair. Because that one little nice thing that he does, doesn't make up for the fact that I don't want to be seen with him in public.
Jack: And if you don't break up with him now?
Liz: He'll just keep showing up at work to sell beepers. He'll just keep calling my mother to borrow money. We'll just get more and more tangled up in each others' lives until I just can't even get away and we're just like...Oh my God.
Jack: That's right, he's the Rat King! And there's only one way to break up with a rat, you have to cut him off completely. You have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tin foil. You must be ruthless, you must be absolute. Remember always, you are the exterminator. Say it!
Liz: I am the exterminator.
Jack: Say it like you mean it!
Liz: I am the exterminator!
Jack: Louder!
Liz: I AM THE EXTERMINATOR!
Jack: Okay, not that loud. Shh. Shh. People are trying to work around here.
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Liz: Okay, very funny, you bought a pager from Dennis. Can you take it off now please?
Jack: Oh, no, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
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“Lemon, what tragedy happened in your life that you insist on punishing yourself...”
– Jack Donaghy
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Jenna: How is the sex?
Liz: Fast, and only on Saturdays. It's perfect.
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Jenna: You're back with Dennis?
Liz: Yeah. I'm back with Dennis. Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up, it's so annoying.
Jenna: Oh, yes, I'm annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo-Screen.
Liz: That was before. And it was the playoffs.
Jenna: Does he still work at that beeper store? What is it, Beeper King?
Liz: He is the King now. The old Beeper King retired. Well, technically he shot himself. But, Dennis took over, and now he's the only beeper salesman left in Manhattan, which is cool. You know, you're doing the eyebrow thing again.
Jenna: Because it's Dennis. Who are you trying to fool? This is me.
Liz: Exactly. You don't get to give dating advice. You sent a letter to Scott Peterson.
Jenna: After he died his hair and got super thin from all the stress. Are you kidding me? He was smokin'.
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May 2009
28 posts
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“Did you hear this mess about sometimes “y” being a vowel?”
– Tracy Jordan
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Pete: You, are a racist.
Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is to be used only for good. Like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.
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“I can’t read Liz Lemon! My shameful secret is out! Now you know why...”
– Tracy Jordan
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Tracy: What did I tell you was the secret to having a good marriage and keeping it together, Kenneth?
Kenneth: Be a good listener, a giver of gifts, and work that va-jay-jay.
Tracy: That's my boy!
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“You want to know another key to success? Dress everyday like you gonna get...”
– Tracy Jordan
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“I want you to know something. You and me, it’s not gonna be a one-way...”
– Tracy Jordan
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Watch
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Jack: It's too bad though, Thomas thought you were great.
Lemon: She did?
Jack: Yes. She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Lemon: Really? She said that?
Jack: Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
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Lemon: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Lemon: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
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“Remind me, what’s better a pair of black aces or a pair of red aces?”
– Tracy Jordan
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“Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you...”
– Jack Donaghy
January 2009
22 posts
“Tracy, this is Tim Grandy, he’s from Bowie, Maryland. This is Rachel Bay,...”
– Jack Donaghy
Liz: Yeah, well a lot of people are still upset about Tracy joining the show.
Jack: That's not my problem, I have other things on my plate. Did you hear about that chemical factory explosion outside of Colorado Springs?
Liz: No...
Jack: Good.